Recipe: Sugar Cookies

You like to decorate cookies for Christmas? Use these ones, and Santa won’t skip your plate of cookies this year.

Want to waste all your free time decorating cookies?
Then this is the recipe for you.

INGREDIENTS

• 3 Cups A/P Flour
• 3/4 tsp Baking Powder
• 1/4 tsp Salt
• 2 Sticks (16 Tbs) Unsalted Butter, softened
• 1 Cup Sugar
• 1 Egg, beaten
• 1 Tbs Half & Half
• 1 tsp Vanilla Extract
• Powdered Sugar for rolling out dough

INSTRUCTIONS

1. In a small bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, and salt.
2. With an electric mixer, beat butter and sugar together until the butter lightens in color and is frothy. Add egg, half & half, and vanilla and mix to combine. With mixer on low, slowly add flour mixture until homogeneous.
3. Knead dough lightly with hands to ensure it is evenly mixed. Divide into two pieces, wrap each half with plastic, and refrigerate for at least 2 hours (overnight is better).
4. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
5. Sprinkle powdered sugar on a clean counter top and rolling pin. Roll-out one piece of dough to 1/4" thickness (NO THINNER, DAMMIT!) Cut with your cutest Christmas shapes (or Happy Hanukkah shapes for the Jews). Gingerly move the cut shape to a heavy baking sheet lined with parchment paper for baking. Leave 1” or more space between cookies.
6. When you've cut-out all the shapes that will fit, you can re-roll the scraps. Just gently form the scraps into a ball, flatten the ball, and then roll-out into another 1/4" disk. Use the second dough half when the first is completed – leave as much dough in the fridge for as long as possible. IT’S IMPORTANT TO KEEP THIS DOUGH COLD TO ENSURE ARTFUL AND SHARPLY CUT COOKIE EDGES – like, no duh!
7. Bake for 7 to 9 minutes rotating the cookies halfway-through the baking process.
8. Cool for 2 minutes on the cookie sheet and then evacuate to a cooling rack until cooled. You can store the cookies in a plastic storage bag until you want to decorate them or until you want to eat them – either way.

FAQs

• Unsalted Butter? >> Most baking recipes include salt and specify unsalted butter. This is because there are small differences in the amount of salt in yo butter. If I don’t have unsalted butter in the house, I generally assume ~1/4 tsp of salt is in each stick of butter. The actual salt is probably a little less than that, but you have to start somewhere.
• Electric Mixer >> You can certainly use that underpowered hand mixer for these cookies, but I wholeheartedly recommend breaking-out the big-ass stand mixer. It mixes all by itself, and leaves you two hands free for Christmas beer consumption.
• Parchment Paper >> So many people get all weirded-out by lining a baking pan with parchment paper. Trust me people, the paper isn’t going to burst into flames in your weak-fisted oven. I never bake anything without parchment paper. You can use a silicone mat (Silpat) is you have one, but remember: parchment paper is ~10 cents; silicone baking mat is ~$30.
• Icing >> The standard way to ice these cookies is with “Royal Icing.” It involves mixing egg whites, cream of tartar, and powdered sugar. This year I used white cake frosting (from a can) and the kids liked it. Be sure to load-up on sprinkles and colored sugar and all that bullshit – it’ll be a warm family moment.

Recipe: Smashed Potatoes

WTF are smashed potatoes? Well, these potatoes are made with waxy potatoes (red or Yukon Gold) and mixed with cream cheese and herbs. You can still ladle-on the gravy, fat ass, so stop your freakin'! For traditional mashed potatoes, check-out my earlier recipe.

This was one of the sides for my oh-so-successful 2009 Christmas dinner. I'll feature Christmas recipes over the next few weeks because I've got nothin' else.

These are chunkier than I usually make: still delicious

Smashed Potatoes

will serve up to 10 adults

INGREDIENTS

• 5 lbs red potatoes (can substitute Yukon Gold, but I like the red)
• 1 lb cream cheese (that's 2 "bricks") cut into 1" chunks and brought to room temperature
• 1/2 cup half & half brought to room temperature
• Chives
• Salt & pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Peel half the potatoes. Cut all potatoes into golf ball sized pieces and place into large pot. Sprinkle with ~2 Tbs kosher salt and fill with water until the water reaches just below the top potato - no use water-logging those spuds!
2. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce to low and simmer for ~20 minutes, or until the potatoes are softened (check softness by inserting a paring knife - if it goes in easily, the potatoes are done)
3. Drain the potatoes and return to the pot. Using a potato masher, mash the shit out of those potatoes. Leave them the consistency you like. Me personally, I like them more creamy than chunky, so I really go to town.
4. Add the cream cheese and stir. You'll notice the cream cheese is melting into the potatoes - that's good. Keep the half & half in reserve - add it if you need to loosen the texture. Chances are you'll need a little, but might not need all of it.
5. Check salt & pepper. The potatoes should have enough salt (from the cooking), but could need some pepper if you so desire.
6. Using scissors, snip the chives into 1/2" pieces and stir into the potatoes. Done. Serve and eat.

FAQs

• Room temperature - is that necessary? >> Yeah, it is. Cold dairy will cool-down your potatoes to an unacceptable serving temperature. You'll be embarrassed and humiliated and unable to look decent society in the face for a long time to come. Poor poor bastard!
• How can I easily drain those potatoes? >> The way I do it, and the way you should too, is to skew the lid leaving ~1" of space for water to drain. Then, I use two pot holders to hold-down the lid and drain the water into the sink. The potatoes stay in the pot, but the water is drained. It's genius, for sure.
• Chives? WTF are chives? >> Chives are like little green onions (scallions). They're shaped like long blades of grass and are impossible to cut with all but the sharpest of knives (you don't have one sharp enough - trust me). The best way to cut them is with a scissors - it's easy.