Recipe: Good Morning Egg Sandwich

I know what you're thinking, "OMIGOD, I should get this checked!" and "anyone can make an egg sandwich!" Yes, that's what I thought too, but here you are reading a recipe for egg sandwiches - genius.

Mmm, you know it's good because it's oozing all over the place

Simple* Egg Sandwich
Serves 1 (you will probably make another because it's so good)

INGREDIENTS

• One slice of ham (preferably Krakus or other Polish ham), cut in half*
• One slice American (or cheddar) cheese (I use Kraft Deli Deluxe, you can use whatever you like)
• One egg
• 2 slices of sandwich bread*
• 1 Tbs butter, plus a little more for spreading
• Salt & pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Heat 1/2 of the butter in a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat until the butter is melted and stops foaming - that's how you know it's ready
2. Cook the ham in the butter until browned on one side (~90 seconds). Flip, and brown the second side (~40 seconds). Remove ham from skillet and set aside
3. Add the remaining butter and allow to melt.
4. Put the bread into the toaster, and start toasting.
5. Crack egg into skillet carefully - you want to preserve a nicely formed yolk. Brazenly cracking an egg into a pan might ruin this morning perfection.
6. Cook until the white is mostly set on the first side (~90 seconds)
7. Artfully flip the egg and cook the second side (~60 seconds). The goal is to cook the egg to between over-easy and over-medium, so adjust the cooking times as needed. You want the runny yolk, but you don't want a goddamn yolk disaster all over your fancy shirt and tie. By the way, you look great this morning!
8. When the toast is done, spread some butter (or margarine - I won't judge) over both pieces of toast on one side only (the inside of the sandwich).
9. Assembly: place the cooked ham on the bottom, slide the cooked egg on-top of the ham, add some salt & pepper, cheese on top of egg, then top bread.
10. Done - time to eat sandwich #1.

RECIPE NOTES

• "Simple?" What's that all about? >> This is a basic sandwich, and it's perfect. Don't fuck up a good thing by trying to make it fancy.
• Why do I need to cut ham in half? >> Polish ham in Chicago comes in rectangles, cutting ham in half will make two bread-sized squares. Job well done? Yes.
• Do I need to use "bread?" >> No. In fact, just this morning I made awesome egg sandwiches from left-over hamburger buns. I only toasted those on one side in the toaster (bagel setting, bitches)

Recipe: Chicken Pot Pie

Hi friends,

When you want some pot pie, you're telling everyone:

GIVE ME MEAT AND PIE CRUST TOGETHER!

Let's talk about how to make your wishes come true.

The way I see it, there are two ways to make a pot pie:

1. Spend all day cooking something that will impress even the toughest judges from Next Iron Chef
2. Make something quick and good that will leave you fully satisfied

Today, we'll focus on #2

Chicken, sauce, veg, and crust. Boom.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 pie crust (recipe below)
• 2-3 bone-in chicken breasts
• 1 lb bag of frozen mixed vegetables
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 4 Tbs butter
• Poultry seasoning (preferred) OR thyme
• 1/4 cup half & half (optional)
• Salt & pepper (yadda yadda yadda)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Clean and rinse your chicken breasts, pat dry with paper towels, and place into a shallow baking dish (I use a pie plate). Sprinkle-on some salt and pepper and roast in a 400 degree oven for ~25 minutes. When the chicken has finished cooking, remove the skin and shred the chicken meat into small pieces - the size of piece you want to eat in a pot pie. Set the shredded meat aside.
2. Cook the frozen vegetables in the microwave according to the instructions on the bag (usually 5 minutes on high). When cooked, put into a fine mesh strainer and set aside to drain. You want to remove as much of the water from the veggies as possible.
3. In a medium/large saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the flour and spices (poultry seasoning or thyme), and whisk together (sound familiar? it's roux-makin' time) for 2-3 minutes, or until the mixture darkens to a light golden color. Add half the broth, and continue to whisk (it thickens quickly at first). Continue adding broth while whisking. If the mixture is too "tight," add a little more broth. You're trying to achieve a stiff gravy texture: this will be the sauce for the pot pie. Check the seasoning and add salt & pepper if needed.
4. In a separate bowl, add the veggies, the meat, and just enough sauce to cover. Stir to combine. I do this because sometimes there's waaay too much sauce for the other ingredients. If you just add meat and veg into a lake of sauce, your pot pie will be weird.
5. Add the mix to a casserole dish. Top with a pie crust (you can paint the crust with an egg wash for the most beautiful presentation, or leave it out - it won't affect the taste). Cut some slits in that crust. Bake in your 400 degree oven for ~30 minutes, or until the crust turns brown.
6. Remove and eat.

FAQs

• Egg wash sounds intriguing - how do I do that? >> Mix-up one egg in a bowl and "paint" it on the crust. This ain't rocket surgery...
• How come ~70% of your recipes involve making a roux? >> Good question.
• What is "poultry seasoning?" >> It's a spice mixture at the store, which contains: sage, thyme, celery salt, and savory. Apparently, it's good for poultry - who knew?

Pie Crust

Some people freak-out when it comes to pie crust making. Relax, yo, it's simple: flour + fat + water = crust.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 cup flour
• 1/3 cup shortening (Crisco)
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1/2 tsp salt
• cold water

INSTRUCTIONS

1. In a medium bowl, mix the flour and salt
2. Dump-in the shortening and cut-in the butter. That means to cut the butter into thin slices, and drop into the flour