Technique: Eggs - Sunny Side Up

This is more of a lesson than a recipe - because, seriously, the only ingredients to sunny side up eggs are eggs, butter, and water.

The Problem
Most times sunny side up eggs overcook on the bottom and undercook on the top. That's because since there's no flipping, we leave them on the heat a longer time in an effort to cook the top more completely. Runny egg yolks are awesome, but runny whites are lame. This technique will fix your breakfast problems, and, if you read close enough, it just might fix your troubled marriage as well...

Mmm, delicious. Salsa optional

1. Heat a large non-stick skillet over medium heat. Note: try to find a lid that will fit over the pan - you can sometimes use a dinner plate as a ghetto lid.
2. Add a small amount of butter to the pan and allow it to melt. Swirl the butter so it covers the bottom of the skillet. Small amount means ~1 tsp, but don't bother to measure - unless you're crippled with OCD.
3. Crack up to three (3) eggs in a bowl and then gently pour the eggs into the pan - gently shake the pan to distribute the eggs. Even with three eggs, try to leave a little metal showing.
4. Allow the eggs to cook for ~2 minutes.
5. Add a spoonful of water to the pan (on the metal, please), lid-up, and cook for an additional 30 seconds.
6. Remove the lid, admire the firmed texture of the top of your eggs, and evacuate to a plate.
7. Garnish with salt & pepper.

There are only two ways to serve your eggs: alone or on-top of something. I truly love the simplicity of some eggs on a plate (with toast to sop-up yolk), there's nothing better than topping another delicious item with extra cholesterol. Top these already delicious dishes:

• Corned Beef Hash
• Biscuits & Gravy
• Hamburger
• and, I guess that's it...

So, to sum-up, sunny side up eggs are pretty simple.

FAQs

• Why should I crack eggs into a bowl first? >> Surely, it's for your safety. Cracking eggs into a bowl allows you to identify, sequester, and remove pieces of shell that might end-up in the pan. Also, if you crack a particularly nasty egg you won't ruin the entire dish. Note: I have never found a rotten egg - just lucky, I guess...

Review: Cameron's Coffee - Velvet Moon

Yeah, it seems this is becoming a review of my weekly shopping cart - well too fucking bad! I'm not whipping-up gourmet delights on a daily basis (last night I served hot dogs - they were gourmet, of course). But this morning's cup o' Joe was a little lacking, and I thought you should know about it.

First off, I don't have a coffee grinder at home, so I need to bring home pre-ground coffee. Furthermore, I don't want a grinder at home - no matter how much you coffee snobs out there tell me it makes all the difference. Though, despite my supreme laziness, I still want to enjoy a good cup of coffee in the comfort of my own home.

Usually I'd buy a can of Stewarts, and when that emptied I'd fill it with a bag of Starbuck's dark roast coffee three or four times and then buy another can of Stewarts. I feel the Starbucks is better, but the Stewarts is cheaper. Taking a Stewart's break gives me a gentle palate cleansing - allowing me to further appreciate the high-priced Starbuck coffee.

The usual: a can of Stewart's followed by Starbuck's 3x

Last weekend, in the coffee aisle, I noticed the Cameron's display - oh, it was artful! Not only could I grind my own beans (appealing simultaneously to my do-it-yourself nature and my feeling that fresh ground beans are better than beans ground by 12 year-old laborers in a loathsome factory in China), but a pound of Cameron's coffee was cheaper than a 12 oz. bag of Starbuck's.

Bonus!

I chose Velvet Moon - it said it was a dark roast coffee, and the clever marketers at Cameron's made it nearly impossible to resist. I was hooked. The smell coming from the in-store coffee grinder was good. I pre-congratulated myself on making a shrewd coffee buying decision.

The bag was made of paper - not velvet. WTF?

Taste test
Lame. There's no "back" to this coffee. Like wine, there are a few places you should taste your coffee. The "front" is the initial taste of the coffee - the first thing you notice. The "back" is how that flavor fills your throat - does it linger and offer something a little more than taste. Sure, there's a decent "front," but there's no richness that apparently I crave.

Sadly, It'll take me nearly two weeks to jam-through this pound of coffee - no labor of love. And when it's complete, I'll probably go-back to my previous buying schedule: a few bags of Starbuck's and then a palate cleansing can of Stewart's. Pity me, and my unfulfilling home coffee brewing experience.

Review: Spicy Blue Corn Tortilla Chips

Yeah, it's a niche product. Actually, the wife said something like, "Hey, honored husband, we should start eating healthier." To me that means a trip through the health food aisle in the grocery store. Lo and behold, I found some "healthy" chips:

Red Hot Blues

I didn't know what to expect. Actually, I had a few ideas what to expect:

• A bag costing well over $4.00 for a paltry amount (eg. Terra Chips - total rip off!)
• A crunchy twig-like texture

Thankfully, neither of those outcomes was experienced. The 9 oz. bag was $2.59 ($0.287 per oz) which compares favorably to the also-purchased Fritos at $3.69 for 14 oz ($0.263 per oz).

As for taste, sure, the texture's a little rustic, but there's a subtle blast of heat that makes them good. I'm not sayin' that I'm going to add them to the cart every week, but it was nice to be surprised by some "health" food for once.

Ingredients: Organic blue corn, expeller pressed oleic safflower and/or sunflower oil, dehydrated tomato, rice flour, salt, paprika, spices, smoked torula yeast, dehydrated onion, natural flavor.

Expeller pressed?!? WTF?

Review: Spanish Rice from a Box

Sounds a little low-rent for such an elegant site, but even I can't be expected to craft a homemade Spanish rice dish every time the family gets the craving for some tacos. Can there be a workable alternative to a Chicago-Polish version of this "south of the border" favorite?

Sure.

Two rices enter - one rice leaves...

The perennial standby has been the La Preferida brand Spanish rice. It's easy to make and always comes-out right. There's more than enough for my family of four (the kids avoid rice like the plague), and it successfully accompanies tacos and refried beans.

Yesterday, the store was out of La Preferida Spanish Rice... Just below was the Old El Paso Spanish Rice - could it substitute? Would the family notice? Let's find out.

Success! In fact, I like the Old El Paso brand Spanish rice better than La Preferida. The grains of rice were "plumper" and the overall dish was "wetter" than the La Preferida version. My wife thought it was too watery, but I don't place much stock in her opinion. So, in the rusrus house, there's a new boxed Spanish rice champion: Old El Paso!

Note: before there was boxed Spanish rice there was canned Spanish rice. It's good (for a can), but the boxed rices are better...

Recipe: Veggie & Chicken Stir Fry

This is mostly a dish about the veggies. For a more meat-centric meal, increase the amount of meat (no duh). Why send-out for Chinese when you can make this at home? Well, it’s faster and easier – I’ll give you that!

Oh yeah, it's good!

INGREDIENTS

• 1 Boneless Chicken Breast
• 1 Tbs Soy Sauce
• 1 Tbs Dry Sherry
• 2 Carrots, sliced into thin pieces
• 1 Red Bell Pepper, sliced thin
• 2 1/2 Cups Broccoli Florets (from ~2 bunches)
• 3 Ribs Celery, cut lengthwise into thin pieces
• 6 Scallions (white & light green parts), sliced
• 1 Handful Bean Sprouts (~5 oz)
• 1 Can Baby Corn Cobs, drained (15 oz can)
• 1 Can Water Chestnuts (sliced), drained (8 oz can)
• 1 Tbs Ginger, minced
• 1 tsp Garlic, minced
• 3+ Tbs Stir Fry Sauce (from a bottle)
• Canola Oil (or any mild high-heat vegetable oil)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Meat prep: Ideally, the chicken is “mostly” thawed. Slice into 2” by 1/8” pieces. Put chicken in a bowl – add soy sauce and sherry and marinate for ~20 minutes.
2. Veggie prep: There are a lot of veggie to cut, and this is the longest part of the recipe. Carrots: peel, cut-off top and bottom, and cut in half. Then cut in half again – lengthwise. Next, slice into 1/16” pieces. Red Bell Pepper: slice into 2” by 1/8” pieces. Broccoli: cut the florets off the bunch and then again into bit-size pieces. Celery: wash and slice on the bias (diagonally). Scallions: slice the white and light green parts into 1/8” rounds.
3. Cooking: This is all about putting the right things in at the right time and cooking quickly. Start with a large skillet or wok over high heat.
1. Meat: Add ~2 Tbs oil to the pan, drain the meat, and cook. You’ll notice a shit-load of noise – this is good. Cook the meat for ~2 minutes and then remove to a bowl or plate.
2. Veggie 1: Add ~1 Tbs of oil to the pan and heat until shimmering. Add carrots and bell pepper and cook for ~2 minutes, stirring frequently. Move veggies to the outer perimeter of the pan clearing some space in the center.
3. Veggie 2: Add 1-2 tsp of oil and heat until shimmering. Add broccoli and cook for ~1 minute. Add ~1 Tbs of water and cover for ~1 minute. This will steam the broccoli and make it more tender. Clear space in the center of the pan.
4. Veggie 3: Add 1-2 tsp of oil and heat until shimmering. Add celery and cook for 1-2 minutes until softened. Clear space blah blah blah...
5. Veggie 4: Add 1 tsp of oil and heat until shimmering. Add ginger and garlic and cook for ~30 seconds. Then add the sprouts, corn, and water chestnuts and stir the entire thing together.
4. Add the chicken back to the pan, add the stir fry sauce, and cook for 1-2 minutes until all is heated-through.
5. Serve over rice. Mmm, molto bene!

FAQs

• Bottled stir fry sauce? >> Yeah, this is the easiest way to get-through this one. Alternatively, you can make your own stir fry sauce, but you’ll need an entire friggin’ Chinese pantry to make it happen.
• Where do I get baby corn cobs? >> I got them at the supermarket – check the Asian section, loser.

Review: Paring Knives

The other day, I cashed-in a $100 gift card for Williams Sonoma. I want almost everything in that store, and $100 doesn't take you too far. I settled-on a set of paring knives, a set of mixing bowls, a microplane zester, and a new apron.

The paring knives are awesome:

Set of three paring knives. The website says you can "Prevent cross-contamination by using color-coded knives to separately prep meat, poultry and fresh produce." But I say fuck that - that kind of planning ahead is for pussies!

Only $32.95 for the set, and they're sharp as hell. Way sharper than my kick-ass 10" chef's knife, but that's probably because I have a shitty knife sharpener, and haven't been able to really properly maintain my kitchen sword.

10" Chef Knife. The murderer's knife of choice

Anyway, if you're in the market for a new paring knife, you can certainly do a lot worse than that set from Williams Sonoma. $30 for three knives is a pretty good deal.

Oh, and the mixing bowls, zester, and apron are good too!