Recipe: Smashed Potatoes

WTF are smashed potatoes? Well, these potatoes are made with waxy potatoes (red or Yukon Gold) and mixed with cream cheese and herbs. You can still ladle-on the gravy, fat ass, so stop your freakin'! For traditional mashed potatoes, check-out my earlier recipe.

This was one of the sides for my oh-so-successful 2009 Christmas dinner. I'll feature Christmas recipes over the next few weeks because I've got nothin' else.

These are chunkier than I usually make: still delicious

Smashed Potatoes

will serve up to 10 adults

INGREDIENTS

• 5 lbs red potatoes (can substitute Yukon Gold, but I like the red)
• 1 lb cream cheese (that's 2 "bricks") cut into 1" chunks and brought to room temperature
• 1/2 cup half & half brought to room temperature
• Chives
• Salt & pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Peel half the potatoes. Cut all potatoes into golf ball sized pieces and place into large pot. Sprinkle with ~2 Tbs kosher salt and fill with water until the water reaches just below the top potato - no use water-logging those spuds!
2. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce to low and simmer for ~20 minutes, or until the potatoes are softened (check softness by inserting a paring knife - if it goes in easily, the potatoes are done)
3. Drain the potatoes and return to the pot. Using a potato masher, mash the shit out of those potatoes. Leave them the consistency you like. Me personally, I like them more creamy than chunky, so I really go to town.
4. Add the cream cheese and stir. You'll notice the cream cheese is melting into the potatoes - that's good. Keep the half & half in reserve - add it if you need to loosen the texture. Chances are you'll need a little, but might not need all of it.
5. Check salt & pepper. The potatoes should have enough salt (from the cooking), but could need some pepper if you so desire.
6. Using scissors, snip the chives into 1/2" pieces and stir into the potatoes. Done. Serve and eat.

FAQs

• Room temperature - is that necessary? >> Yeah, it is. Cold dairy will cool-down your potatoes to an unacceptable serving temperature. You'll be embarrassed and humiliated and unable to look decent society in the face for a long time to come. Poor poor bastard!
• How can I easily drain those potatoes? >> The way I do it, and the way you should too, is to skew the lid leaving ~1" of space for water to drain. Then, I use two pot holders to hold-down the lid and drain the water into the sink. The potatoes stay in the pot, but the water is drained. It's genius, for sure.
• Chives? WTF are chives? >> Chives are like little green onions (scallions). They're shaped like long blades of grass and are impossible to cut with all but the sharpest of knives (you don't have one sharp enough - trust me). The best way to cut them is with a scissors - it's easy.