How to Impress Your Lady at Ravinia

Here in Chicago, there’s an outdoor concert venue where people can relax on the lawn and listen to music. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra plays here in the summer, and people spread-out on blankets and chairs and have fancy picnics. Generally, I’ll do-up a nice spread of cold dishes: raw veggies and dip, crackers and cheese, sausage and mustard, and wine (juice for the kids – unless we can dump them on some poor sucker).

Sometimes, I’ll even make fancy tea sandwiches for my lady. Is it bad ass? No, but you’ll earn points that can be redeemed later (if you know what I’m sayin’…). Most importantly, be sure to have two bottles of wine, or if your lady is a friggin’ drunk, bring three bottles.

INGREDIENTS

• One loaf of good White Bread (something with a tight crumb and thin slices – I bought Pepperidge Farm White Bread)
• 8 oz. Cream Cheese (softened)
• 1/4 Cup Mayonnaise
• Green olives (sliced)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Mix together cream cheese and mayonnaise
2. Spread on two slices of bread
3. Place sliced olives on one side
4. Top with other slice of bread
5. Cut-off crusts, and cut in half (into two rectangles)
6. Repeat as necessary
7. Put finished sandwich rectangles in the cooler

FAQs

1. What’s “tight crumb?” >> That means the bread isn’t “holey” like Italian bread. The holes are very small, and the bread is “firmer” than Wonder bread.
2. Sounds like gay food >> I suppose it is, but ladies love gay food. Gay-it-up for Ravinia, and hetero-it-up later in the bedroom (or in the back of the Durango if you can’t wait that long)
3. What kind of beer goes with these sandwiches? >> You’re friggin’ hopeless.