Review: Hot & Spicy Pickles

GODDAMN! These are hot.

Here's an idea - next time, just set your mouth and asshole on fire

Most times, especially in the summer, we want to explore a little bit of the hot & spicy. Pickles are now no exception. Saw these in the grocery store and thought they were a logical next step for my pickle journey.

The First Bite

Those of you familiar with Claussen know about that freshness. Their regular pickles are great - found in the refrigerator case - cool and crisp and just enough tang. These fireball pickles begin the same way. First taste is classic Claussen.

One second later...

HOLY SHIT, MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE! They might have overachieved a bit on the spicy, these are pretty intense. Finish the pickle, then finish your beer and then another beer to hose-down this fucking inferno.

Would I recommend these pickles?

Yes. For two reasons.

1. Spicy heat releases endorphins, which make you feel good. Put-down a few of these pickles, and you'll feel great (mostly because, when you stop eating them, the end-of-pain will be welcome relief)
2. For that jerk-off who claims that nothing is too hot. Sure, a masochist who eats raw chiles is prepared for some heat, but these will come from left field. No one expects a harmless pickle to be the devil - dripping in vinegar, no less...

Do yourself a favor, and dedicate some space in your icebox for these fiery pickles. Misery loves company, and I need some now...

Review: Cameron's Coffee - Velvet Moon

Yeah, it seems this is becoming a review of my weekly shopping cart - well too fucking bad! I'm not whipping-up gourmet delights on a daily basis (last night I served hot dogs - they were gourmet, of course). But this morning's cup o' Joe was a little lacking, and I thought you should know about it.

First off, I don't have a coffee grinder at home, so I need to bring home pre-ground coffee. Furthermore, I don't want a grinder at home - no matter how much you coffee snobs out there tell me it makes all the difference. Though, despite my supreme laziness, I still want to enjoy a good cup of coffee in the comfort of my own home.

Usually I'd buy a can of Stewarts, and when that emptied I'd fill it with a bag of Starbuck's dark roast coffee three or four times and then buy another can of Stewarts. I feel the Starbucks is better, but the Stewarts is cheaper. Taking a Stewart's break gives me a gentle palate cleansing - allowing me to further appreciate the high-priced Starbuck coffee.

The usual: a can of Stewart's followed by Starbuck's 3x

Last weekend, in the coffee aisle, I noticed the Cameron's display - oh, it was artful! Not only could I grind my own beans (appealing simultaneously to my do-it-yourself nature and my feeling that fresh ground beans are better than beans ground by 12 year-old laborers in a loathsome factory in China), but a pound of Cameron's coffee was cheaper than a 12 oz. bag of Starbuck's.

Bonus!

I chose Velvet Moon - it said it was a dark roast coffee, and the clever marketers at Cameron's made it nearly impossible to resist. I was hooked. The smell coming from the in-store coffee grinder was good. I pre-congratulated myself on making a shrewd coffee buying decision.

The bag was made of paper - not velvet. WTF?

Taste test
Lame. There's no "back" to this coffee. Like wine, there are a few places you should taste your coffee. The "front" is the initial taste of the coffee - the first thing you notice. The "back" is how that flavor fills your throat - does it linger and offer something a little more than taste. Sure, there's a decent "front," but there's no richness that apparently I crave.

Sadly, It'll take me nearly two weeks to jam-through this pound of coffee - no labor of love. And when it's complete, I'll probably go-back to my previous buying schedule: a few bags of Starbuck's and then a palate cleansing can of Stewart's. Pity me, and my unfulfilling home coffee brewing experience.

Review: Spicy Blue Corn Tortilla Chips

Yeah, it's a niche product. Actually, the wife said something like, "Hey, honored husband, we should start eating healthier." To me that means a trip through the health food aisle in the grocery store. Lo and behold, I found some "healthy" chips:

Red Hot Blues

I didn't know what to expect. Actually, I had a few ideas what to expect:

• A bag costing well over $4.00 for a paltry amount (eg. Terra Chips - total rip off!)
• A crunchy twig-like texture

Thankfully, neither of those outcomes was experienced. The 9 oz. bag was $2.59 ($0.287 per oz) which compares favorably to the also-purchased Fritos at $3.69 for 14 oz ($0.263 per oz).

As for taste, sure, the texture's a little rustic, but there's a subtle blast of heat that makes them good. I'm not sayin' that I'm going to add them to the cart every week, but it was nice to be surprised by some "health" food for once.

Ingredients: Organic blue corn, expeller pressed oleic safflower and/or sunflower oil, dehydrated tomato, rice flour, salt, paprika, spices, smoked torula yeast, dehydrated onion, natural flavor.

Expeller pressed?!? WTF?

Review: Spanish Rice from a Box

Sounds a little low-rent for such an elegant site, but even I can't be expected to craft a homemade Spanish rice dish every time the family gets the craving for some tacos. Can there be a workable alternative to a Chicago-Polish version of this "south of the border" favorite?

Sure.

Two rices enter - one rice leaves...

The perennial standby has been the La Preferida brand Spanish rice. It's easy to make and always comes-out right. There's more than enough for my family of four (the kids avoid rice like the plague), and it successfully accompanies tacos and refried beans.

Yesterday, the store was out of La Preferida Spanish Rice... Just below was the Old El Paso Spanish Rice - could it substitute? Would the family notice? Let's find out.

Success! In fact, I like the Old El Paso brand Spanish rice better than La Preferida. The grains of rice were "plumper" and the overall dish was "wetter" than the La Preferida version. My wife thought it was too watery, but I don't place much stock in her opinion. So, in the rusrus house, there's a new boxed Spanish rice champion: Old El Paso!

Note: before there was boxed Spanish rice there was canned Spanish rice. It's good (for a can), but the boxed rices are better...

Review: Paring Knives

The other day, I cashed-in a $100 gift card for Williams Sonoma. I want almost everything in that store, and $100 doesn't take you too far. I settled-on a set of paring knives, a set of mixing bowls, a microplane zester, and a new apron.

The paring knives are awesome:

Set of three paring knives. The website says you can "Prevent cross-contamination by using color-coded knives to separately prep meat, poultry and fresh produce." But I say fuck that - that kind of planning ahead is for pussies!

Only $32.95 for the set, and they're sharp as hell. Way sharper than my kick-ass 10" chef's knife, but that's probably because I have a shitty knife sharpener, and haven't been able to really properly maintain my kitchen sword.

10" Chef Knife. The murderer's knife of choice

Anyway, if you're in the market for a new paring knife, you can certainly do a lot worse than that set from Williams Sonoma. $30 for three knives is a pretty good deal.

Oh, and the mixing bowls, zester, and apron are good too!

Review: Ravenswood Zinfandel

Me and the wife cashed-in a $100 Lettuce-Entertain-You gift card at Maggiano's the other night in exhausting Schaumburg, IL. I knew we weren't up for a bottle, so settled on two glasses of wine. Lo and behold, I saw a wine that I have enjoyed at home in the past:

Ravenswood Zinfandel

It's a good one! A little steep, perhaps, at $8+ per glass, but compared to the other by the glass wines on the menu, a bargain. It was bold (like a Cabernet), but not too dry. It was perfect for the I-talian food we ordered.

You can certainly pick-up an affordable bottle of Ravenswood Zinfandel at your local liquor store for $15 or less (always look for sales).