Recipe: Badass Turkey Gravy

Hmm, some of you don't know how easy gravy-making is and have resorted to opening a packet when the holidays come calling. Pathetic.

Don't ruin the best day of the year with this shit

If your fat ol' grandmother could make gravy, there's no reason you can't do it - it's easy. And homemade gravy is totally badass!

You will have to refill this boat many times - because it's delicious, and will get eaten quickly

Badass Turkey Gravy

should make ~8 cups of gravy - serves three

INGREDIENTS

• Turkey stock (recipe below)
• Butter*
• Flour*
• Salt
• Pepper
• Optional extras (giblets, mushrooms, etc)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. In a large saucepan, melt 8 Tbs (4 oz) of butter (that's a full stick of butter, yo)
2. When the butter has melted, add 1 cup of flour and whisk to combine. The flour will soak-up all that butter, and you will be whisking a wet paste on the bottom of the saucepan. That's exactly what you want.
3. Continue whisking the roux for a few minutes until it darkens to a golden color.
4. Add turkey stock to the roux, while whisking, one cup at a time.
1. Add the first cup, whisk. It should thicken immediately. Good.
2. Add the second cup. This should take a little longer to thicken, but thicken it will.
3. Continue adding stock as the mixture thickens. The amount of roux you made should* thicken up to 8 cups of stock (see the FAQs below)
5. When the gravy has reached the desired consistency, salt and pepper to taste.
6. Go ahead and add your optional extras. They should already be cooked and ready to go - don't add raw giblets or mushrooms and hope that the gravy will "cook" them - gross.
7. That's it. Put it in a gravy boat, drop it on the table, and drown your turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing in this shit - it's delicious! 
8. NOTE: the gravy will thicken slightly upon standing. Don't make an over-thick gravy in the pot, and expect it to be the same in the boat. Better to make it a little thin and expect it to thicken a little more at the table.

FAQs

• This is a lot of gravy. What if I need to scale this back for my delicate eating habits? >> Good question, for once. Basically, we're talking about science here: flour and butter should be of equal weights (1 Tbs of butter = 2 Tbs of flour) and one cup of liquid per Tbs of butter
• For 16 cups of gravy: 16 Tbs butter (2 sticks) + 32 Tbs flour (2 Cups) + 16 Cups stock (1 gallon)
• For 4 cups of gravy: 4 Tbs butter (1/2 stick) + 8 Tbs flour (1/2 Cup) + 4 Cups stock (1 quart)
• For 2 cups of gravy: 2 Tbs butter + 4 Tbs flour (1/4 Cup) + 2 Cups stock (1 pint)
• For 1 cup of gravy: no one should make only one cup of gravy - please stop reading this blog...
• You said that the recipe "should" thicken 8 cups of stock. Is there something you're hiding? >> Yes, another excellent question. Roux can vary from the light colors to the very dark colors. A light colored roux will have the most thickening power, but the mildest taste. A dark roux will have a bolder taste, but less thickening power. So, the light roux above "should" thicken 8 cups, but don't come running to me if it doesn't turn-out that way.

Badass Turkey Stock

Makes 2 gallons - more than enough for your entire Thanksgiving feast and then some

Oh turkey stock, is there anything you can't do?

INGREDIENTS

Turkey neck: gross

• Various turkey parts (I used 4 necks and 2 wings)
• 2 onions
• 2 carrots
• 2 celery stalks
• salt
• 6-10 whole peppercorns

INSTRUCTIONS

1. With your biggest and scariest kitchen knife, BEAT THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF THOSE TURKEY PARTS! The goal is to open-up the bones so the stock can take what it needs from them. It's all about the bones.
2. Put the turkey parts in a pan, coat with ~1 Tbs vegetable oil, sprinkle with some salt, and roast in a 400 degree oven for 1 hour. This will allow your stock to benefit from the roasty flavors you're about to drop all up in there.
3. Meanwhile, halve 2 onions, 2 celery ribs, and 2 carrots, and drop into a large pot (your largest) with the whole peppercorns.
4. When the turkey parts are roasted, add them to the pot and then add enough water to cover everything by an inch or two and cover.
5. Bring up to a boil, and then drop the heat to just under a simmer for 3 hours. "Skew" the lid, which means to slide it open just a bit - this will retain the heat, but allow some steam to escape (prevent boil-overs). If the liquid drops below the ingredients, add enough water to cover by an inch or two.
6. Pour the stock through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth and store it. You are ready for Thanksgiving success with a homemade stock.

FAQs

• Turkey parts, are you serious? >> Yeah, you can't make a stock without parts. I liked the necks and wings because there's a good amount of bone and connective tissue there - that's what will make you a good stock
• Roast the turkey, are you serious? >> Yeah, turkey gravy is dark. You won't have dark gravy without a dark stock. You won't have a dark stock unless you roast them parts. So get on it!
• Onion, carrots, celery, and peppercorns - is that it? I thought there'd be more things >> Nope, that's it. I have seen the addition of a bouquet garni (French for "garnished bouquet"), but didn't think you had it in you... If so, tie some parsley sprigs, thyme sprigs, and a few bay leaves together with some kitchen string, and drop it in the stock. Be sure to remove it at the end. It's a nice addition, but the stock will still be good without it.
• How do I store this, and for how long? >> I made it the day before Thanksgiving, and stored it in half-gallon sized mason jars in the fridge. That'll be fine for short-term (a week or less) storage. Otherwise, you can pour it into quart sized bags (2 cups of stock per bag) and lay them flat in the freezer. They will freeze flat like book, and can then be stored like a library of stocks in your freezer - awesome, no?

Pour left-over stock in plastic bags and freeze 'em flat